This is my 200th blog entry! And what would my 200th blog entry be without the inclusion of numerous references to poop.

The Great Poop Drop Off Part II

So, last night Eleanor had her last nighttime swim class with Daddy (next session she is doing daytime swim classes with Mommy) and I was home with Fraser and Hammie. I gave the boys a bath, and in the middle of bath time Hammie got out so he could use the potty. The three of us then had a very lively discussion of the different noises pee and poop make when going into the potty while Hammie sat on the kid's potty. Then Hammie stood up so I could wipe him, looked in the potty and said "Look at all that poop! That's like a mountain of poop! Mommy look!" I looked, but apparently wasn't quite impressed enough because then Hammie made Fraser get out of the bath so he could look. They discussed the fact that Hammie's poop was "like elephant poop." When I suggested it was time to dump the poop into the toilet Hammie held his hands up and said "No Mommy! I want to show Daddy! Leave it till Daddy gets home!"

It's funny, but it also turned out to be totally practical since I needed to collect another stool sample from Hammie, this time for the allergist's office, and here was the perfect opportunity. So, with assurances that I would not dispose of the poop until Daddy saw it and was duly impressed, Fraser and Hammie went to bed. Then I used a spoon (plastic this time, see I'm learning!) to fill the cup and then dispose of the rest (and dispose of the spoon). No, I didn't wait to show Andy, but I did tell him about it, which I think was okay given the circumstances. Then, because I wasn't going to be able to get the poop to the allergist's lab within four hours, I put the plastic bag holding the plastic cup holding Hammie's poop into our refrigerator. Yum.

Now today is Thursday, which means we have the boys swim class at 9:15. The allergist's office opens at 8:00. This sounds like plenty of time except that the allergist's office is 30 minutes east of our house, and swimming is 20 minutes west. Hmmm... tricky. Still, being my optimistic self, I figured we could make it, so we all headed out to the car at 7:30, and managed to actually pull out of the driveway by 7:45 (to those of you who think this sounds like a ridiculously long time to spend just getting into the car, I would suggest not having three children as close in age as I did, unless of course you have a nanny who watches two of them whenever you have to actually leave the house with one).

As we drove down route 12 we had the following conversation:

Fraser: "Mommy, why don't they have any tow trucks where Keekey and Grandpa live?"

Me: "They have tow trucks"

Fraser: "What? No, why don't they have any tow trucks where Keekey and Grandpa live?"

Me: "They DO have tow trucks where Keekey and Grandpa live."

Fraser: "Is it because cars don't break down there?"

Me: "No Fraser, listen, cars DO break down in New York they DO have tow trucks there, you just haven't seen them."

Hammie: "They have tow trucks in New York?"

Me: "Yes"

Hammie: "Where Keekey and Grandpa live?"

Me: "Yes"

Hammie: "In New York?"

Me: "YES!"

(pause)

Hammie to Fraser: "They have tow trucks where Keekey and Grandpa live?"

Fraser, skeptically: "Well, I guess so..."

AHHH!!! Is it any wonder I grind my teeth in my sleep? It was all I could do not to start yelling, "OH NO, DON'T BELIEVE MOMMY! It's not like I haven't been alive for 30 years longer than you! It's not like I didn't live in New York for more than half those years! It's not like I'm your mother! But NOOOOO don't listen to ME!" It really is soul crushing that sarcasm is lost on 3 and 4 year olds. But I digress.

So there we were, Mommy, Fraser, Hammie, Eleanor and a bag of poop making our way toward the allergist's office when we hit a giant traffic jam on the highway. Without the jam we were really going to be pushing it to get to swimming on time, with a traffic jam..forget it. So we did. We got off the highway and turned around.

This however, created a dilemma. The bag of poop. The poop needed to be refrigerated, and I didn't think the staff at the YMCA would be too thrilled if I asked to store poop in their fridge, so we had to drive back to the house, drop off the poop, then drive to swimming. We made it with time to spare, but there was still poop in my fridge.

So we went to swimming and gymnastics and stayed for the preschool play (it's only fair that Eleanor gets to do something other than watch her brothers have fun). We were leaving the YMCA at 12:00, and I was feeling a little stressed about the fact that we needed to drive home, I had to feed everyone and I still have to get the poop to the allergist by 5:00. Eleanor usually naps in the afternoon, and she has been taking these marathon 2 and half or 3 hour naps, which would make getting to the allergist very tricky. But, if I don't get to the allergist by 5 the sample is no good anymore, which means I would have to go back to the allergist to get a new sample cup, get a new sample from Hammie, and then get back to the allergist again within 24 hours of collection. No thank you.

So I am explaining to the kids that we will go home, eat lunch, pick up the poop, get in the car, Eleanor can nap in the car, boys can nap too if they need to, drop off poop, come home, make dinner. As I am explaining Fraser interrupts to ask:

"We're getting Hammie's poop?"

Me: "Yes" (somewhat irritated to be interrupted and to answer what I think is a perfectly obvious question.)

Fraser: "Hammie's poop is in the bag?"

Me: Slightly more irritated "Yes!"

(pause)

Fraser: "Is it real poop?"

Me: totally irritated "Of course it is! What would be the point of giving the doctor fake poop?!?"

And then Fraser looked at me, raised and eyebrow, and didn't say a word, but it could not have been more obvious that what he was thinking was:

"Um, crazy lady, what is the point of giving the doctor REAL poop?"

.

And I had to laugh. Sometimes I really do forget how the simplest and most obvious things like whether there are tow trucks in another state or why a doctor would ever want a cup full of some one's poop, can be completely bewildering to a four year old. We did get home and eat lunch and get back in the car and complete the Great Poop Drop Off Part II, and while we were driving home the song "My Wish" by Rascal Flats came on the radio. Now maybe I was feeling a bit sentimental since all three kids were asleep in the back of the car, but my first thought was "Fraser and I could dance to this song at his wedding!" and my second thought was "Oh God, don't start crying or you won't be able to see where you are going!" Because it is the most painful truth in parenthood, that the days are long, but the years are short. No matter how hard the crazy, driving around, poop filled days are, in the end I know they will seem to have gone by much too fast. So for posterity Fraser, Hammie and Eleanor, when I hear this song I think of you guys, and all the wonderful things I wish for you as you grow up, which I hope will take a long long long long long long time (not that I want you living in my basement when you're thirty, but you get the idea):

"My Wish"

I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,

And each road leads you where you want to go,

And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,

I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.

And if one door opens to another door closed,

I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,

It it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,

But more than anything, more than anything,

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,

Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,

You never need to carry more than you can hold,

And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,

I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,

Yeah, this, is my wish

I hope you never look back, but you never forget

All the ones who love you in the place you left,

I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,

And help somebody every chance you get,

Oh you find God's grace in every mistake

And you always give more than you take.

This is my wish

I hope you know somebody loves you

May all your dreams stay big.

Love,

Mommy