Help Wanted: Needed, one full time nanny. Must have excellent references from the children you raised who all turned out to be happy, fully functioning members of society. Must be willing to arrive before dawn (as that is when at least one of my children usually arrives in my room) and provide educational entertainment throughout the day. Must serve only nutritious foods at appropriate times, all homemade and tasty enough for all three of my children to consume happily without complaining, while keeping the house clean, running all the errands for the household, caring for 4 cats (3 long haired) and one seriously ill dog who bleeds from her nose all the time all over the house. Must be able to mix an excellent martini and Manhattan. Must be able to listen to endless whining and answer the same question (such as "why can't we go outside in the rain in our pajamas?") at least 400 times an hour while maintaining a sunny disposition. Must also be willing to work seven days a week, with no vacations or bathroom breaks, for free. Send all applications ASAP.