Well, it has happened again. I have allowed some horrible, little, spiteful person to ruin my entire day and it is not even noon yet. No, said "little" person is not Fraser who, while he makes me crazy on a regular basis, I would not describe as horrible or spiteful (at least not to his face). First, some background. Fraser is currently in the middle of his full blown Separation Anxiety phase of life. He is basically incapable of going to sleep or back to sleep without one of us rocking or patting him (usually both) for ridiculous periods of time, and he is totally incapable of going back to sleep in his crib after about 1:00 a.m. (or, in last night's case, after 10:30). He also loses his tiny little mind if I leave the room for more than, say, 30 seconds. As you can imagine, this has made life really super fun lately.

After spending 45 minutes trying to get Fraser to nap this morning and having him then nap for about 20 minutes I was feeling like I really needed to let off a little steam. So, I packed Fraser up and we headed to the gym. Sure, the last 4 times I've taken him to the nursery at the gym he has freaked out so badly that they have had to come get me after only 20 or 30 minutes, but Andy and I discussed it and decided I should keep trying for at least a little while and see if Fraser can adjust. (Please hold all comments about the definition of insanity being trying the same thing over and over and expecting a different result). I dropped Fraser in the nursery and got a whole 19 minutes on the treadmill before the very nice lady from the nursery came to find me and tell me that they just could not get Fraser to calm down. So, I went and collected my hysterical son, calmed him down so that he was only whimpering instead of screaming, put his snowsuit back on and headed to the locker room.

Now Fraser has, along with inheriting my elf toes, also inherited my very attractive quality of developing large red blotches around the eyes after a good bout of crying. It was therefore perfectly obvious to anyone with half a brain who isn't totally blind that, as we entered the locker room, I was carrying a very unhappy baby. (In case there was any doubt Fraser would let loose a really pathetic little whimper and sigh every two minutes or so). I managed to get the locker open, put my CD player and lock into my bag, and get my sweatshirt and jacket out of the locker. Fraser, of course, doesn't stand yet and as I wasn't about to put him down on the filthy floor, I carried Fraser, my sweatshirt, and my jacket to the changing table at the end of the aisle. The changing table is one of those grey fold down things with a koala bear on it like you see in lots of public restrooms. I folded down the table and managed to get my sweatshirt and jacket on while keeping one hand on Fraser at all times and keeping up a constant stream of entertaining chatter so he wouldn't start screaming like a howler monkey again.

Once fully dressed I picked Fraser up and went back to the bench where I left my bag. I offered Fraser some water from my water bottle which he happily accepted and drooled down the front of his snowsuit, stuffed the water bottle in the bag and picked up the diaper bag saying "Okay pal, are you ready to go home?" Then I heard a voice behind me:

"Are you going to put that back?"

I turned around to see an older woman in a bathing suit standing next to the changing table which I had forgotten to fold back up. She was standing with one hand on her jutted out hip and gesturing toward the table with the other hand in classic "I'm a little teapot" stance but with her palm up. I am not kidding. I thought Hollywood had trademarked that stance to be used only by bitchy girls from the Valley, but apparently this woman did not get the memo. If she had extended her gesturing hand another 6 inches at most she could have flipped the damn plastic table up herself, but clearly that didn't happen.

In case I have been in any was ambiguous here let me clarify, this woman's tone was super bitchy, she was holding nothing except her hip and I am standing there with a diaper bag in one hand on my son under the other arm. This is an exact, and totally unbiased, account of the conversation that followed:

Me, sounding somewhat annoyed: "Would you like me to put it back?"

Annoying lady: "Well, (she snorts) of course, you put it down."

Me, progressively more annoyed and walking past her to the table: "Yes well, as you can see I have my hands full so it would have been nice of you to just flip it up yourself."

Very Annoying lady: "It's your responsibility you put it down"

Me, now getting really pissed but flipping table up anyway: "I realize that. What I am saying is that it would be helpful of you, who are not holding a bag and a baby, to do me the kindness of putting it back instead of standing there like the Queen gesturing at it."

Ugly old bag: "I don't have a baby it's not my responsibility."

Me, really really rip shit: "I can see that, what I am saying is.... You know what. Never mind. Clearly it's pointless to discuss common consideration with someone who is obviously so rude."

Horrible wrinkly glorified corpse: "Well I think you're rude!"

Me, who has totally fucking had it: "Well, lucky for me I really could care less what you think."

Rancid Old Bitch: "Well I don't care what you think either."

At this point I just muttered "unbelievable" under my breath and walked out. After time to calm down and reflect on the drive home I have decided that this woman was really a Bitch. I have also concluded that she either never had children (or a soul) and so can't imagine how difficult my day was already without her generous addition, or she had children, cannot fathom why they are such bitchy horrible people, and feels it necessary to take her frustration out on people who have not yet irrevocably fucked up their own children.

I do realize that I should have put the changing table back, and every other time I have gone to the gym I have put the damn thing back, I just forgot this once and I don't think that this hideous woman's holier than though attitude was warranted by my one little memory lapse. It's not like I had changed Fraser on the table, left the entire area littered with dirty diapers and wipes and then expected someone to help me out by cleaning up all feces covered items without my asking, but come on, it would have taken this bitch maybe 3 seconds (out of what I can only assume is SUCH a busy schedule) to put the table back. But, instead of being a useful, helpful, thoughtful human being she decided to take the opportunity to confirm my belief that humanity as a whole is spiraling rapidly down the crapper.

I was going to take Fraser to Barnes and Noble this afternoon but the Bitchy Old Hag has caused me to rethink that plan as I don't think my faith in humanity can take much more of a beating today. So, here is to hoping the rest of you have much more luck with the human race today should you be brave enough to venture out into the world.