Today Fraser and I went to the mall. I didn't actually need to get anything at the mall, but I desperately needed to get out of the house and since we are having one of those lovely fall New England weeks in which it rains every single day and is so dreary you pretty much want to drive off any bridge you cross, the mall was our only option for escape. I also figured the mall was a good choice since:

1. I would be far less likely to throttle Fraser in public

2. The plethora of people at the mall would give Fraser something to look at and I could therefore cease trying to be entertaining for a few hours

3. People who stop and talk to Fraser always point out what an adorable and happy baby he is, and after last night I needed to hear someone point out that Fraser has some redeeming qualities, because I was experiencing a real crises of faith in that regard.

We walked around the mall and Fraser did indeed enjoy looking at the people. It was pretty funny when he would smile at people who didn't stop to talk to him and he would get this look on his face like "Um, excuse me, do you not see how cute I am here?" Enough people did stop to oooh and aaaah over him however, that I don't think his self esteem was too badly damaged.

When we stopped to sit in the children's area outside Chuck-E-Cheese so Fraser could have his bottle I got to thinking that for the past few weeks I've felt like Fraser was the fisherman and I am the mackerel. The way he is wonderful one minute and hell on wheels the next, it's like he gives me some slack, then reels me in, then gives me some slack, then reels me in, then gives me some slack...... all in an effort to break my spirit so he can haul me into the boat where he will scale and gut me.

It's like yesterday, he took at nice hour long nap in the morning and I'm thinking "Yeah, the new formula works. Life is good!" then he wakes up and screams bloody murder for 45 minutes and I'm thinking. "Stupid formula. What is wrong with this kid?? Like is not so good." Then Andy comes home and Fraser is thrilled to see him, all happy smiles and laughter and I think, "What a pleasant temperament he has! Life is wonderful!" and then that night Fraser doesn't sleep longer and 2.5 hours and screams every time he is awake even though he doesn't want anything that I can figure out and I think, "Now I know how people can take a drive in their cars because they just need a little break and never come back. Life sucks."

I am proud to say, however, that at no point while we were at the mall did I actually consider leaving Fraser there (this did not occur to me until we reached the grocery store) nor did the siren song of any bridge prove too powerful to ignore. So this afternoon I think I will devote some quality time to practicing my mantra, "This too shall pass," provided Fraser ever stops screaming.....