At roughly 2:45 in the morning last night, as I attempted to rock Fraser to sleep as he headbutted my neck, shoulder and face like some sort of demented beakless woodpecker, I started thinking about the report on the news that the estimated population of the United States has now exceeded 300 million (http://www.census.gov/population/www/popclockus.html) and about the concept of zero population growth. This is a very roundabout way of saying that I started to seriously wonder whether Andy and I should have any more children.

I say this only in half in jest. Sure, when I finally got Fraser back to sleep (sort of) and as he did his customary thrashing around the bed like a small, white, Stevie Wonder on meth, the phrase "It seemed like such a good idea nine months ago" did cross my mind. But I also lay there thinking about whether our family unit would feel complete if Andy and I decided to do our part in trying to keep the population from totally overburdening the planet, and decided that Fraser is enough.

I had always figured I would have at least 2 children, and Andy wants to have three (we had even discussed 4, but that was before I got pregnant and the idea of spending four years of my life like that was enough to make me nauseous if I wasn't already.) Secretly too, I had always thought that people who had an only child by choice were being kind of selfish in denying their son or daughter a sibling. I suppose I do still think its selfish, but I'm not sure that is a bad thing. Fraser might miss out on a sibling true, but he could gain parents who are far more sane and capable of spending quality time with him because they have time for themselves and each other.

So basically, I was pretty surprised when my gut reaction was yes, yes I would be okay if this remained our entire family unit. Of course I acknowledge that feeling may change, probably many many times, but it is sort of comforting to know that I don't need to have any more children, particularly when Fraser has days like the one pictured here, and I think it is more likely than not that he will end up an only child as I will be taken drooling to the looney bin any day now.